By Courtney Pape, WICF Guest Blog Contributor
[Courtney Pape is an actor, writer and comedian who lives in Los Angeles and dreams of being bi-coastal. Follow her on twitter @courtpape to see if it happens and laugh in the meantime.]
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| Courtney Pape |
Luck is opportunity meets preparedness. When it comes to dating, the female sex has latched onto this concept and twisted the meaning of “preparedness” into extreme cleanses, fashionable clothes and having the best Facebook photos to make any guy swoon.
Newsflash: Guys don’t give a shit.
Newsflash: Guys don’t give a shit.
When we were kids, little boys weren't trying to hold our hands because we had beach waved hair and a thinspo-enviable thigh gap. They did so because they just liked playing with us. So, what did we do to make them like us? We were just ourselves! Somewhere in adolescence our wires got crossed and we got the signal that our outside means more to guys than what's on the inside. Even through adulthood we've constructed our identity around physical appearances and being single or being in a relationship becomes a part of who we feel we are as a person.
Newsflash: You are not your body!
Newsflash: You are not your relationship status! I don't care if you have the best husband who is your soulmate. (BTW Congrats, that's awesome & I'm totally jealous!) But you're a human being first and foremost!
Newsflash: You are your own person who is complicated as crap so why don't you learn to completely love, take care of and cultivate yourself in all facets before you do so for a romantic partner!?!
Instead of putting energy into our outward appearance and “finding” a boyfriend, like he’s lost at sea, let’s focus on ourselves. Let’s make self-discovery the new standard prep before "finding" our Nemo, which will probably come sooner now that we've washed away the stank of desperation. Now when we meet our match, he’ll be the one obsessing over us, not the other way around!
Three Ways to Find Yourself by F*cking Around:
1. F*ck around with…GUYS
You don’t have to date every guy you sleep with. Not every guy you’ve had a connection with has been sent your way as partner potential. “Then why is it the sex so good? What is the universe trying to tell me?” Enjoy it so you’ll you have fun, dirty memories to think of when you're making love to the same person for the rest of your life. Guys aren’t the only ones allowed to have highlight reels ladies!
{DISCLAIMER: Just because you CAN sleep with a guy, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. I’m not advocating sleeping around like crazy until your self-esteem crumbles and you contract herpes. Be discerning about with whom you share your body. Just because there are no long-term commitments being made doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be mutual respect, protection and a safe word.}
2. F*ck around with…YOURSELF
You know when you haven’t had sex in awhile and you reach that point where just watching a guy type fast on his computer turns you on? This is a great time to invest in a vibrator. And yes, I say “invest” because that’s what a vibrator is: an investment towards healthy sexuality.
3. F*ck around with…HOBBIES & INTERESTS
Have you always wanted to learn how to play guitar? Did you join Instagram thinking it’d help rekindle your love of photography but then just used it for selfies and stalking your ex? Do you look at Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give and are majorly jealous she can speak French fluently while ordering at a bougy bakery? Take time to f*ck around with hobbies and interests that just make you happy! Do something that is not an excuse to meet a guy and do it alone! We’re co-dependant enough with our girlfriends when we go to the bathroom together so let’s spread our independent wings and realize sometimes there’s power in solitude.
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